Question:
Since starting full-day kindergarten, my 5-year-old has had a complete change in her behavior! She was a child I would brag about how blessed I was that she was so easygoing and laid back. I never had to raise my voice or ask her to do something more than once or twice. Well now she is a kid on the edge! She uses words like stupid, dumb, damn, idiot and is more aggressive and full of anger it seems at times. I am at a loss as to why, except for the obvious. I know she is still adjusting to the full-day schedule and I have made some changes in my work. I used to run a full-day, in-home daycare program that she was in with our friend of three years. (You could say they were like siblings.) Now he no longer attends and my daughter only sees the children that are still in care two days a week just two hours each day. I know these are all big changes for a 5-year-old. I guess I just want someone to tell me this is all normal and not to worry. I also want some advice how to discipline as I've never really had to.
Answer:
Yes, it is normal for children to have an adjustment period transitioning from preschool to kindergarten. As a daycare provider, you have undoubtedly witnessed this yourself. In fact, you may have soothed other mothers regarding this issue, but it is different when it is your child. You forget and worry. I'm not clear if you are still running your daycare from home or not. But, even if you have reduced your hours, it would be understandable that your daughter would be angry that her friends get to stay with you and she doesn't.
Her new vocabulary is certainly a concern. Talk with her teacher to find out how your daughter expresses herself during the school day, and how she is handling the use of inappropriate language and behavior in the classroom. Set limits with your daughter's use of "damn," "idiot" and so forth. You may want to encourage her to express her anger more appropriately. Storybooks are great at this age to launch a discussion about feelings and you can use the story to give examples of what behaviors or solutions you do or don't like. Try Mean Soup by Betsy Everitt for expressing anger, and Wemberly Worried by Kevin Henkes and The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn for school anxiety.
In regards to your discipline question, I imagine you have been disciplining her since she was testing her independence at age 2 or 3. Clearly she knows your limits, and that is why she usually does what she is told the first time. So, although your parenting skills may need to grow and change as she does, give yourself credit for what has worked for you in the past. For additional parenting resources try books by: Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish; Jane Nelsen and Lynn Lott; and Lawrence E. Shapiro, PH.D.