Question:
I am having this problem with my son. He is performing with some teachers and not at all well with some. He used to be an excellent student in elementary school but I see his interest in school waning in middle school and it worries me a bit because I know his capabilities. I am not sure how supportive some of his teachers are. Just today I was telling his teacher that in the past he did not want to leave the house unless all homework was done. Now he doesn't seem to care much. I know he is growing and developing but I am not sure what is happening to him to change his work habits that much. I am trying to be as supportive to him as much as possible until he grows out of this phase.
Answer:
Your son's decline in school performance may be for a variety of reasons. Some adolescents find it difficult to make the transition from elementary to middle school because the class sizes are bigger, they now have more than one teacher, they no longer get as much individual attention, and they need to be self motivated. That is a lot of change. These conditions can be more troubling for a student who may find himself faced with new academic challenges and increased school work. Often students don't know how, or are too embarrassed, to ask for help.
Reinforce what good work habits he has had in the past, but know that now he may need to develop new skills to get everything done. Ask him what ideas he may have to help himself. It may be necessary to break this down into smaller steps, such as clarifying the problem and then identifying where or to whom he needs to go to for help. It is OK to invite kids to complain about their teachers. Sometimes it is safer to blame others than feel like you don't know something. But later brainstorm what he needs to do to feel successful. Sometimes that may mean you have to do well even if you don't like the teacher or the subject. Your son may also be struggling with new peer relationships, which can also be a distraction. Offer him options to experiment with non-school related activities, to broaden his interests and to provide other opportunities for friendships. You might want to talk with the school counselor to see if the school offers life or study skills classes.
Adolescence is a time of learning about the adult world, which can be more unpredictable than childhood. It is great that you are there supporting him on his new adventure.
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