Marin Family Counseling

Q&A with Debra: How Can I Motivate My Struggling Child?

Question:

My fourth-grader has been behind since first grade. She reads at 35% of where she should be and still can barely write. Her math is only at about 50%. Despite our best efforts, including tutors for several years, she is still behind. She has no motivation regarding school and doesn't understand why she needs to be able to read or write. Her mom and I are at wit's end to try to get her to understand the importance of school and get her motivated. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Answer:

If your daughter has been struggling since first grade, it makes sense that she is discouraged and not feeling very motivated. Children also don't really understand something as abstract as the impact of school performance on their future. They are motivated by their present situations. That experience doesn't sound very satisfying.

I would assume that if she is behind this significantly in several subjects, she's been tested for learning disabilities, and has qualified for special education. If that is not the case, the first step would be to have her evaluated to make sure she is receiving proper instructional support. Your principal and child's teacher should be able to help you start the process.

If she has qualified for special education, than see when her next IEP (Individualized Education Program) is scheduled. It may be time to reassess her, or the approach, if she is not meeting her goals. It would be helpful to have any tutors at the IEP, to determine if they have appropriate training. To reduce your family's stress, make sure everyone's expectations are realistic and that you are working together as a support team.

You can also include broader learning opportunities to increase motivation. Being too focused on goals can be tedious. Explore what subjects interest your daughter and make these more available to her. If she likes polar bears, take a trip to the zoo, rent documentaries or go online for information. Also, outside interests such as dance, sports, art classes, music lessons that she can pursue and feel accomplished at, can be helpful to balance her learning challenges and improve her self esteem.

Q&A with Debra: After Five Years in Special Ed, My Child Is Still Behind

Question:

My oldest child has ADHD and dyslexia. He is in fourth grade and repeated first grade. He is behind in all of his classes, in reading the most. I had a meeting with one of his teachers last week and found out that he is still reading at a first-grade level. He has an IEP (Individual Education Plan) and is "labeled" as OHI (other health impaired). I have had many meetings with the school and have been dealing with this for five years. I feel as if he is falling through the system. I have tried everything I can think of to help him. If you know of anything that I might be able to do to help, please let me know.

Answer:

The IEP is structured to prevent children from falling through the cracks. Depending on the severity of your child's impairments, an IEP meeting can be held once or twice a year, or more frequently if his teachers feel this is necessary. The IEP and his classification/diagnosis allows the IEP process to continue throughout his school years. Having the IEP is a wonderful resource for you to have in place, because it holds people accountable.

Unfortunately, some children don't get to this step soon enough. So, even if it doesn't feel like it to you, you've done a lot for him by getting him to qualify for the IEP.

Since you feel he is not making progress, I would take all the treatment plans and goals you signed at his IEP meeting IEPs and go over them to familiarize yourself with what was supposed to be accomplished and in what time frame. If you no longer have copies, the school should be able to provide them. Once you've examined the full scope of all his IEP goals, you can present your specific concerns to your principal. Ask what other services he is eligible for.

If you are still not satisfied, you can contact your school district's special education office and ask how you might file a grievance. Principals, teachers and special education personnel all have different ideas of how to interpret the laws of special education, which makes it difficult for parents to sort out. You may also want to go to the Web site of the National Center for Learning Disabilities. NCLD is an advocacy center for parents, students and educators to better understand how this system works. You are doing the right thing by advocating for your child and staying on top of it.

Q&A with Debra: How Can I Afford a Tutor for My Child in Special Ed?

Question:

My son is in special education. I would like for him to have tutoring services, but I cannot afford them. What do you recommend I do, because tutoring would really help him?

Answer:

For the tutoring to be geared to the special education needs of your child, I suggest that you begin with your son's special education teacher or teachers.

They should be able to identify what type of tutoring best meets his needs. Tutoring may need to be specialized depending on his challenges. It is often difficult to find free tutoring, but you may be able to find tutors who work on a sliding scale.

The teachers may be a good resource for you with that as well. You can also try your school district to see if there are after-school programs for which your son is eligible. These programs are not considered day care, but more comprehensive programs that offer tutoring as one of their curriculum options.

Some schools contract with outside agencies that provide these programs free to families who are receiving government assistance or have other financial constraints. The Beacon Center is one such nationwide program that may be in your area. Facilities become qualified as a Beacon Center and are listed independently. You can do an online search for "beacon center" and your city to see if there is a center near you.

You might also try your school counselor or principal for referrals to outside educational centers that may have tutoring at reduced fees. A local university may have college students who tutor children with special needs as part of their curriculum.

I have also known parents of special education students to form parent support groups to share resources and advocate for their children in their schools. Organizing with others may be a good option for both you and your son. This helps everyone feel less isolated and it helps navigate the complex resources with more support.