Marin Family Counseling

ChatRoulette users- we know where you live

I In a follow up to my previous post  on ChatRoulette, the social media site that allows strangers to interact in a wide variety of odd ways, I mentioned that the encounters took place among strangers. The joy and possibly the thrill for most users is the anonymity of the encounters;until now. 

In this article by Amy-Mae Elliot,  in her post for  Mashable,she reports that Google Maps now exposes the users location with 95% accuracy. The comments at the end of Elliot's  article express a  hope that mapping might decrease those who aim to shock or engage in obscene behaviors and then ChatRoulette will be restored to some wholesome fun-loving participants.

While it may deter those savvy users who know that their whereabouts are now visible,there may be a number of  young teens that believe they can travel on the web incognito; until they  find out the hard way  that they are not. The demographics show that 89% of users are young males ages 20 to 30 and 20% are under the age of 20. 13% are either explicitly or suggestively nude and engaged in lewd acts.

Social media, in any form, may not be as private as one would imagine and users and parents of teens may want to consider that some behaviors are better off not performed on-line, for their own privacy and safety. 

Facebook- new safety information for parents

Facebook, under pressure from child safety advocate groups, has updated and improved their  "Safety Center."   The center  now divides safety issues into five categories: General Safety, Safety for Parents, Safety for Educators, Safety for Teens, Safety for Law Enforcers.

The focus of this new  safety information is for parents and educators to be better informed on  how to handle cyberbullying, which has become a great concern for those who have, or work with teens . For teens much of the information on the site  is the same as it is  for the parents, with the addition of how to handle suicide threats ( use the hotlines they provide ) or how to deal with unwanted posted photos (the  advice is to  block "your friend.") It is a start, but not all that helpful in dealing with  the complicated issue of  teen suicide.  Also, for a  humiliated teen, the explanation that photos posted without their permission are not likely to be  removed if they do not violate the terms of the site, will hardly feel like a safety plan.

The difficulty for younger users is the lack of awareness of the risks and consequences of "sharing personal information" in a public forum. Many teens trust their friends without careful scrutiny and there is status in having many "friends." Part of being an adolescent is discovering and learning about building trusting relationships  Social media can be a fun way for teens to connect when everyone is getting along, but can quickly become a source of harassment when someone is no longer "in." 

Bullying is not a new phenomenon, but sites such a Facebook can unfortunately make it easier for young impulsive teens to use it against one another. Joe Sullivan, Facebook’s Chief Security Officer, in a blog post today said, "  We've quadrupled the safety content available, and we've created cleaner, more navigable interfaces to help you find answers to safety questions fast. This portal—which we've been testing during the past few weeks—draws multimedia content from Facebook and from independent organizations specializing in safety and security online."

Hopefully Sullivan and others in similar positions, can catch up with the unintended use of their sites and begin to find better ways to protect the privacy and personal rights of their users. In the meantime, parents and  educators might want to better educate themselves on the risks involved and support their teens in deciding whether or not those are risks they are willing to take.

For another article on this topic go to Sarah Perez of  Read Write Web there are some interesting comments that follow it.

 

 

Q&A with Debra: What Should I Do With My Defiant Middle-Schooler?

Question:

Middle-school kids are worse than the terrible twos! My son just got relatively decent and we could have a conversation and now he has turned into a defiant toddler who is too big to put onto a time-out mat! Does anybody else feel this way? Or am I a goofball? What's a parent to do?

Answer:

I usually say, "Teenagers are 2-year-olds with car keys." Hopefully, you and your son will have more time adjusting to adolescence - before he gets his learner's permit! All humor aside, what you are describing is normal development, but that doesn't mean it is easy on either of you. Your son is experiencing his body changing without his control. In addition, adults are now placing greater expectations on him to respond more maturely and work more independently. However, he still has not had much life experience to cope with all of these changes.

Experts used to believe that an adolescent brain was pretty much like an adult's. We now know that brain development continues throughout young adulthood and some say through middle-age. This explains why he's civil one minute and having a tantrum the next. His impulse, reasoning and planning centers are still forming. So, continue setting realistic and firm limits.

Here are some other simple guidelines that might help:

Empathy works great with teens.

Many teens don't feel heard as much as they did when they were younger. This may be because they act like they don't want to talk to with us, but they are really longing to be heard and understood. Be the safe place to land; listen first and suppress the need to either lecture or fix it for them. Ask what solutions they have, so they can practice problem solving with you.

Enjoy those pleasant conversations with him.

In those moments you can mention to him how insightful and interesting he is. He may dismiss you, but he'll come back for more. This is a hard time for parents; you may be facing some life-cycle changes yourself - middle-age, aging parents - so seek out families going through similar issues for support.